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NEWS FROM MONTY ...

Time I sat down at the keyboard and told you all my latest news. Unfortunately, my owners have been so busy that they haven’t had time to take any pictures of me lately – but considering that the last picture showed me looking very silly in a sort of Tommy Cooper fez, perhaps that’s just as well.

Thought you’d like to know all about my latest trick to get attention. If you’ve read the item on Tetbury News, you’ll know that my dad broke his arm some weeks ago. I soon cottoned on to this, and also to the fact that if I climb on his chair and scratch or prod his broken arm he soon pays attention to me. Mind you, it’s often the sort of attention that involves him pulling a face and shouting “Mind my arm, Monty!”

It hasn’t been a great summer for dogs and there haven’t been many good walks in the fields and arboretum lately. Usually, we rush round town in ten minutes before the next downpour hits us so, because I’m spending more time indoors, I have persuaded my mum to buy me lots of new toys, which cascade out of their basket all over the kitchen floor in a sort of tidal wave of plastic mobile phones, bean bags, smoked bones, squeaking carrots, balls, chews, etc. Apart from that I’ve taken to sleeping in a big way, accompanied by loud snoring – sometimes I can be heard snoring from the cellar when I’m in the living room which is on the floor above the shop!

Lately I’ve been extremely silly when guarding the van during cheese deliveries. For example, the other day my dad saw some Japanese tourists photographing me in the van cab while we were parked in Stow on the Wold. They were intrigued because I was so incensed to see them looking at the van that I had leapt up and plastered myself to the side window like one of those stick-on Garfields. At the same time my mouth was open in an enormous yell. Like it was the other day at a motorway services when the van was parked beneath a huge poster of some larger than life pensioners and I had to spend ten minutes barking for all I was worth at the poster … well, I’ve heard that people come to life in pictures in the Harry Potter books … If you ever see headlines in the papers like “Would-be Van Thief Deafened by Spaniel” you’ll know it’s me …

That’s all for now. I’m still waiting for summer to come and then maybe, just maybe, I might be taken to the seaside and get the chance to feel the sand between my toes … Well, you can always dream!